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broke myself.shattered.tied a bow around every piece. [entries|friends|calendar]

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(Full mouth)

me. [07 Jun 2006|08:06am]
You lie, and I will make sure a part of you dies.

I hope it was worth it. The lying. Over nicotine. Now he won't have to lie because he won't have to "make me happy".

Make me look like a fool. And lie. To my face. That is when it is over. Especially when it has happened before, and that is when promises were made.

No problems for me.

(Full mouth)

[08 May 2006|07:14pm]
What a fucking waste of a day off.

(Full mouth)

[29 Apr 2006|08:50pm]
My room smells terrible, almost like burning, and I dropped $65 in one shot, and have no new shoes to show for it.

(Full mouth)

Under 50,000 miles. [24 Apr 2006|11:09am]
I found a BMW. In price range, and from 2003.
His car is in the shop again.
I actually had a good time this weekend.
Ended up making Christina come back for the stupidest movie ever made.
Warped Tour is a maybe not this year.
Have to go in for touch ups.
May take off of everything Friday.
Still want to go to the Dells.
Want to take Billy to Mideval Times.

(Full mouth)

[05 Apr 2006|08:40am]
Tattoo is finished.
Negative $155. and $10 from dinner.

(1 Kiss |Full mouth)

Too bad you didn't wake up. [03 Apr 2006|08:21am]
Tat tomarrow.
Negative $150 tomarrow.
Sleep tonight.
Sandwich at noon.
Possible hair this weekend.
Possible ear this weekend as well.

(Full mouth)

[28 Mar 2006|09:51am]
I am doing a PowerPoint about individualism in today, the 60s, and 70s. And I plan to include drugs.

(Full mouth)

[26 Mar 2006|12:33pm]

I do not need this family anymore.
They can't be civil at a funeral, or the dinner following, but they are fine at taking.

(Full mouth)

[24 Mar 2006|11:09pm]
I don't have fun with him anymore.

I am home. Not in his bed.
Because he said he rather me go home tonight.
He wanted to play WOW.

And I would rather have someone who cares.

(Full mouth)

[18 Mar 2006|02:37pm]
Do not call my phone to talk to someone else.
I will hang up on you.
Do not leave a message or call back.
Do not call me a fucking bitch afterwards.
Because I remember when you hung up on me. In an emergency.

Your favors are done.
I can't fake being nice to you anymore.
Because I don't like trash.

(Full mouth)

Two Fifteen A.M. [17 Mar 2006|09:47am]
[ mood | 000. ]

You hear the news.
And that makes you think about them.
And you remember things about them, because some things just come flowing up when you hear their name.
And then you imagine the next time you will see it.
And then you realize they aren't there anymore.
You will never be able to see them again.
And that is the part that I really do not understand.
I do not understand why they aren't there anymore.
I don't know why I can't see Steve driving up in his truck
I don't know why I can't hear Jone laugh her goofy laugh.

And that is the part that makes me cry.

In a way, I feel terrible.
A part of me is happy, because I know that I will get to see my family together again, and it will all be in less than a week. Justin, Trish, Claudessa, Miranda, Roxy, Tim, Kent, Rosie, Mark and Chad, Sue and the family; I have not seen all of them, nearly any of them, since Steve died.

And I hate that we can't get together for any other reason.

(1 Kiss |Full mouth)

Give me the sin again. [14 Mar 2006|10:27am]
If he is not at that airport at 9:30 tomarrow morning, there will be fucking hell to pay.

(Full mouth)

Push up my bra like; that. [08 Mar 2006|06:46pm]
I am my father.


This week is pretty well great.
I am doing things.
I have 'appointments' after work, a scheduled plan of the night.
The woman I work with is one of the nicest people I have ever met.
Working with someone that nice is good for me.
I have things to look forward to next week, the doctor on Tuesday and the Billy on Wednesday.
I have been getting things done.
I fixed a stuffed dog with its inards falling out.
I put band aids over the dog's sewn spots.
Blues Clues band aids.
Classes drive me crazy, sitting and running out of work.
I go to work now.
I love having a job.
I intend to keep it.
And possibly pick up another.
I intend to buy new glasses after I save $400.
I also want a tattoo, a tree with a hidden owl in the branches, for my dad and my grama #2.
Grama #1 is still here, she is flying back home on Wednesday.
Grama #2 is out of the hospital.
Grama #1 and I went to visit grama #2 twice in the past week in the hospital.
Grama #2 talked to someone today and said she had zero visitors while in the hospital.
The someone replied," Alyssa and Lucy came to see you twice."
Grama #2 replied," No they didn't."
I want Steve back.
She would be so much better if he were here, maybe even remembering us.
She didn't know who we were.
When grama #1 and I got up to leave the hospital, we said Goodbye and grama#2 replied," Goodbye, say hi to your families for me."
We are her family.


I want my parents home now.


In every dream home a heartacheAnd every step I take
Takes me further from heavenIs there a heaven?
I`d like to think soStandards of living
They´re rising dailyBut home oh sweet home
It´s only a sayingFrom bell push to faucet
In smart town apartmentThe cottage is pretty
The main house a palacePenthouse perfection
But what goes onWhat to do there
Better pray thereOpen plan living
Bungalow ranch styleAll of it’s comforts
Seem so essentialI bought you mail order
My plain wrapper babyYour skin is like vinyl
The perfect companionYou float my new pool
De luxe and delightfulInflatable doll
My role is to serve youDisposable darling
Can´t throw you away nowImmortal and life size
My breath is inside youI´ll dress you up daily
And keep you till death sighsInflatable doll
Lover ungratefulI blew up your body
But you blew my mindOh those heartaches

Dreamhome heartaches

(1 Kiss |Full mouth)

"Resin all over the house." [03 Mar 2006|01:52pm]
Stomach flu. It feels like I am rotting from the inside.

My parents left.

I went to BIlly's last night, for the first time since he has been gone. And it is rather terrible.

(1 Kiss |Full mouth)

[21 Feb 2006|03:04pm]
I am going to miss that fucker like crazy.
The thought of four weeks in the first place is crap.
Who goes to visit people for four weeks? I could see maybe... two.

And Nicole was over last night before I went home. She gave me her number and told me to call. And I for sure will. She wants me to show her how to make a baby blanket, and I am going to show her by making one for MaKenzie. She is so pregnant. And she works at Claire's now. I like her.

I thought of the perfect date for me and Tiarra, and our designated boys. We have to wait until we find a reliable car and the weather is nice.

(Full mouth)

Comb my hair. and wash my face. [18 Feb 2006|05:18pm]
[ mood | It's easy to forget your face. ]

I woke up to the ringing of my cell phone, in my purse across the room. I jolted, rather startled. I sat up thinking that my purse was at the foot of my bed and that he was laying next to me, not moving. I opened my eyes to see Tiarra instead, covered and her arm hanging over the side of the bed, both of us in her room. And then the events of the previous night came back, reminding me why I woke up to her instead of him.

It is 5:30 and he has not come to pick up his things like he said he would. I had something planned in my head, kind of to make it all better. Kind of. I of course left out the factor of me, and the factor of him never doing what he says. So now it is 5:30, and I have been sleeping on the couch the past three hours.

I have a Vcast phone. It is everything that I do not need or like in a phone, all rolled into one.
And that really topped off my day.

(2 Kisses |Full mouth)

[14 Feb 2006|01:18pm]
I have no idea what is happening to me.

(Full mouth)

[13 Feb 2006|12:08pm]
Taco Bell
Tarter, his bitch, and Cam.
Hi Billy's.

Evon. Craig. Matt. Katie x2. Alyssa. Jenna. Felders x3.
Oh gawd.
Romantic dinner with Cody and Billy.

Jenna. again.
More Movies.

I managed to get absolutely nothing accomplished this weekend.
And I liked it.

(Full mouth)

[11 Feb 2006|07:54pm]
If I ever see Micah again, he should die.

Cody is chilling, Billy is yelling, and I am sitting here.

(Full mouth)

You were telling me about your radio show. [08 Feb 2006|07:12pm]
Oh, that Alyssa and her silly imagination. Always imagining someone dead in a ditch when they do not call when they say they will or even show up for that matter.
Because I put myself into hysterics.
And then when they do make contact, I turn cold and unimaginably angry and hostile to them.
Because they were supposed to be dead.
And I worried for nothing.

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